Review: Goldilock, Stock and Three Smoking Bears

It looks like the Wardrobe Theatre have done it again! Goldilock, Stock and Three Smoking Bears is a mismatched delight of gangsters, posh bears, Scottish porridge makers and a disillusioned Goldilocks selling her wears and tears on the mean streets of London.

After a long day at work, this show is exactly what you need. The cast burst onto the stage and pull you into their world with forceful ease. The metatheatre style is warmly received by the audience as characters are introduced by a London geezer voice-over and Goldilocks openly addresses scene changes and plot development.

You soon empathise with poor Goldilocks (Emma Keaveney) who tries her best to earn a living. However, it all starts to go a little bear shaped (…sorry) when she runs an errand for renowned gangster, Harry (Harry Humberstone) – who has an unhealthy obsession with chairs.

They cleverly weave elements of the fairytale and Guy Richie’s gangster classic Lock, Stock and Three Smoking Barrels into the narrative. Goldilocks has to deliver a third chair to the run-down flat where Winston, Rupe (Lotte Allan) and Paddy (Andrew Kingston) live; three rather posh bears who’ve no doubt

Goldilock Sourced from Lotte Allan Twitter
Winston and Rupert (Sourced from Lotte Allan’s Twitter)

just returned from their ‘gap yah’. There she finds their left over porridge – to which the mockery of the ‘too hot, too cold, just right’ ensues. Goldilocks’ song about nothing being ‘just right’ is a wonderfully melancholy parody in itself.

The physicality of the piece is incredibly inventive and effective; from an exaggerated card game ending in Goldilocks’ doom to the stereotyped Scottish witches working at Uncle Hamish’s Porridge Emporium painfully contorting their faces as they attempt to uncover Hamish’s secret ingredient (which we never find out actually – ooh, intrigue). The two Scottish witches are most definitely a highlight of the piece; they have the whole audience in stitches with their hyperbolic Scottish antics and one liners.

Goldilock. Sourced from Matthew Whittle's Twitter
The Scottish witches and Uncle Hamish. (Sourced from Matthew Whittle’s Twitter)

My friend and I make the questionable decision to sit at the front, which means we have to get very involved in pulling Goldilocks out of the clutches of the three sleepy bears. However, this fails to make us uncomfortable – partly because we’re drama students, and partly because the cast interact with the audience so naturally.

Goldilock, Stock and Three Smoking Bears is a triumphant parody that doesn’t shy away from highlighting the silly conventions of fairy tales, gangster films and theatre itself. It’s a good ol’ bubble bath!

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